As the silliness of election season in British Columbia ramps up, I find myself with a familiar sense of ennui. I think of it as “two-party-itis”. Who the hell am I going to vote for?
Governments long in power tend to develop a fetid stench, and I find my blood pressure rising whenever Premier Christy’s smarmy smile appears on the screen.
I think back upon all the scandals, intrigues and botched files, from Site C dam, to the children dying in care, the wrongful dismissal file handled so ineptly that a government employee took his own life, the grizzlies still being commercially slaughtered, the lack-luster management of ICBC I have blogged about recently, or the atrocious under-funding of the court system I have and will continue to blog about, and I start to mutter “time for a change”.
And then my inner capitalist gently reminds me that the only alternative is to vote for the socialist hordes, and risk another 10 lost years. I remember trying to run a small business during the Glen Clarke era, and have absolutely no desire to repeat the experience.
Truly, what is a fellow to do? Staying home on election day is the coward’s way out, (and look what happened south of the border when close to 60% of the voting populace couldn’t bear to vote for either of the flawed candidates).
Difficult problems require bold solutions, so I humbly propose that we act swiftly to convert our upcoming election into a three-way race. With the election looming, we don’t have time to build a new political party from the grassroots up, so I say we buy one off the shelf, and I just happen to know where we can pick one up cheap – in Iceland.
Setting sail for Iceland
Iceland commends itself as a place to shop for politicians. It is stunningly beautiful, and is an uncrowded land where the air is pure, and the inhabitants take the environment seriously. Politically, they responded to the great worldwide financial meltdown by sending the miscreant fat cat bankers to gaol, rather than bailing them out.
In Iceland, a cabinet minister can breast feed an infant in the legislative chamber without anyone fainting and it appears it’s another safe haven where wee woodland folk actually enjoy civil rights.
I’ve been checking out the Reykjavik Craigslist, and I think we might be able to pick up a local political party known as The Pirate Party at a bottom-basement price. I think it represents good value.
Eye patch and cutlass provided
It has only been around since 2012, so it has low mileage, and has never formed government, so has never messed up in public office. Not only does it come with a great name, but it has a really cool logo too, and they already have a bunch of election signs printed up and stored in the basement. Almost as important, it seems that everyone loves a swashbuckling pirate, since the party consistently tops the political popularity polls in Iceland, and the public protests they organized to protest their Prime Minister’s naming in the Panama Papers, was the largest such gathering ever staged in the country. They even managed to elect 10 members in the last Icelandic general election.
Their policies seem friendly enough, and would be a good fit here in Lotus Land, championing civil rights, direct democracy, copyright reform, free sharing of knowledge, transparency and anti-corruption.
So, what’s the next step to turn the Salish Sea into a pirate’s lair? Well, shiver me timbers and look out for the GoFundMe page I’m putting together to raise the money to charter a plane to fly the whole pirate’s crew here.
Just think how much fun it will be watching our local politicians walking the plank!
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